At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
