i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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