Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
