We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
