Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
