your room smells of hookers.
And success
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
