We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
