hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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