i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
