just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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