My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
