i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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