Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
