Your dad touched me again.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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