So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
