i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
this beer tastes like vomit already
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
