i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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