he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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