The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
