I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
whose parrot is this?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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