his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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