I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
