So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
