It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Girls should come with a carfax report
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
