haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
