Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
