My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
