Jerry, you need to find god
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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