i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You smell like stripper and shame
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
