Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
