I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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