You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
