so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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