you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
this hospital has no fireball
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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