Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Randomize
