I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
