my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
