Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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