dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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