i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
handjob tips. give me some.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
