The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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