my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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