On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize