sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
