The maid of honor just puked.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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