Dual....:-)
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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