My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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