someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize