I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize