I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
