Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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