ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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