My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
