Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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