man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize