I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
