I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
