I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
