Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
