My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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