bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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