we have officially lost it.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
