i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
