your thong is hanging out like whoa
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Your mouth is God's brothel.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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