tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Everclear isn't food dammit
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
