i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
