went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
