now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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