Where is the hickey?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
