My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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