Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Sorry about my life...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
