At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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