what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have tasted many bathrooms
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
