Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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