Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
