i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
