It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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