Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
