This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
