Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
