apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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