Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
