I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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